This is where I finally post something more personal about myself. This is still incomplete but I’m just going to post what I’ve written so far.
So today, as in, this afternoon’s today, I decided to check my hotmail. I haven’t checked that thing in a while. It’s my oldest standing email account with emails dating back to 2003. 15 messages, it tells me. All spam, I tell myself. Delete them, I tell it back in return. That’s done.
But then, I feel like taking a walk back in time. Remember how I said it goes back to 2003? I saved some emails like I save childhood memories. In my little box they stayed there. Undeleted, unchanged, but most definitely not unread. There is a set that stands out above all the others. Sender name? A girl named Aya.
One of the most important people I’ve ever met. I haven’t seen her in 3 years, but if I traced back the major things in my life currently, my little red crayon goes back to her. She started my whole “baka” thing. “Aya no Baka” “Kazuki no Baka” can you see the relation? She’s the first person I ever fell in love with. She’s my number one regret in life.
You see, I was at the age of 14 at the time. I was an idiot at the time. I really was. I met Aya. As some of you know, I have a way with words. BUT, I used my powers for bad things back then. Such things as, having truly amazing girls fall for me. Bad Kazuki, I know. But thats exactly what happened. Aya was a truly amazing and wonderful girl. You couldn’t find a girl like her easily.
I had her. In my arms. In my heart. I had her love. I had her undivided attention on me. I had her feelings. I had someone that told me that they missed me when I was gone. I had Aya. What I didn’t have was my mind. Undecisiveness tore everything apart. I didn’t know what I really wanted. I was unsure if I loved her or not. This caused her heart to break. I always came back to her. She always took me back. I could break her heart again and I did. This happened so many times.
This is where I draw a blank. This is where I’m unsure what really happened. Where did she go? How exactly did she leave me? Where did it end? Did she just fade out? I really don’t know. All I know is fastforward 4 years, and I’m here now. Wishing she was still here.
~Scott
